Iris
by aplaceinthestars
Summary: A missing scene songfic from ToCC. The last thing she saw was Jacen plummet to his certain death...


Disclaimer: Characters belong to Lucasfilm; lyrics "Iris" belong to the Goo Goo Dolls. This is set right after Jacen falls off of Cloud City; before Tenel Ka finds out he survived the fall. The last thing she really remembered was the fall. Lowbacca had later told Tenel Ka that they had gone back and told Anja what had happened.but Tenel Ka remembered only seeing Jacen fall and then waking up in the medical center in SkyCenter Galleria. And now that she lay there in the hospital bed, the whole incident was playing back in her head. Too weak to try speaking, she could only let the terrible realization roll around in her brain: Jacen was dead.  
  
"And I'd give up forever to touch you  
  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow."  
  
What could she do now? She was helpless. She should have been able to help him. The Force connected them so strongly.but it was all over.  
  
".You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
  
And I don't want to go home right now."  
  
Tenel Ka could vaguely recognize the cruel outside world trying to break through to her but she pushed it away. All she could do now was lie there in pain, more emotional than physical, and wonder how she had allowed this to happen.  
  
".And all I can taste is this moment  
  
And all I can breathe is your life."  
  
The only thing Tenel Ka wanted to think of was the past.that precious moment that she had kissed him.but what had she done? Made it into a joke.  
  
".'Cause sooner or later it's over  
  
I just don't want to miss you tonight."  
  
And now her chance was over. Everything was over. And Tenel Ka would give anything just to see Jacen one more time.  
  
".And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am."  
  
She had the strength to open her eyes now. But it wouldn't matter, she considered, she did not want her eyes to open knowing that they would never see Jacen again. And there was no one that she could talk to.no one would ever be able to even begin to imagine the love she'd had for Jacen. No one would ever understand. And now Jacen would never know either.  
  
".And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
  
Or the moment of truth in your lies."  
  
Never. What a terrible word. Just like Tenel Ka had never told Jacen her feelings.how she would never see Jacen again.never look into his deep brown eyes, wishing she could stop lying to him.never, ever again. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't let whoever stood around her know she was awake- another lie, she reflected.  
  
".When everything feels like the movies  
  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive."  
  
The surrealistic haze was beginning to fade. Tenel Ka was feeling the full impact-he was gone, and she would die for one last chance to talk to him.  
  
".And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am."  
  
All she wanted now was for Jacen to really know her. They were friends.but Tenel Ka had never been honest to any of her friends. She kept all her emotions hidden, thinking they made her weak. She pretended not to care about.about so many things. About Jacen's obvious feeling that they were only friends, about Jacen's even more obvious.'interest' in Anja Gallandro. But most of all, she had pretended not to care about that kiss.  
  
".And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am."  
  
If she could only tell Jacen one more thing, it would be that her original plan had not been to make a joke. With this thought finally cutting through her heart completely, Tenel Ka blinked open her gray eyes. Lowie gave a woof. Tenel Ka nodded that she was okay. But she wasn't-now the next level of pain would come. She would have to tell Jaina Solo that her brother was dead.  
  
".And I don't want the world to see me."  
  
The last thing Tenel Ka wanted now was to have to vocally admit that Jacen was gone.especially to Jacen's sister, one of her best friends. Twenty standard minutes later, Tenel Ka stood watching the Lady Luck dock.  
  
".'Cause I don't think that they'd understand."  
  
How would Jaina react? Would she blame her? Or worse, would she break down in tears and force Tenel Ka to admit her own emotions?  
  
".When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am."  
  
The evil word rang in her head again.never.never.never. There was a 'whoosh' sound behind her-a door opening. Tenel Ka spun around and to her shock, Jacen stood in the doorway.  
  
".I just want you to know who I am."  
  
She immediately charged towards him with a burst of energy she thought she would never feel again. She would tell him now. She wouldn't let something like this happen again without Jacen knowing the truth-because next time, whatever miracle had saved Jacen this time would certainly not appear again. She cried out as she ran, "Jacen! Jacen, my friend!"  
  
".I just want you to know who I am."  
  
She threw her arm around him with so much force that she almost tackled him. Did he know already? The thought struck Tenel Ka suddenly. Could he already understand her that well?  
  
".I just want you to know who I am."  
  
Jacen hugged her tightly back. He smiled broadly, his next word touching Tenel Ka deeply. "That was almost worth falling for!" He laughed. All worries of Jacen never knowing who she was were instantly erased from her mind. She instinctively knew that he was not kidding-and that he had known the same before. 


End file.
